love...such a short lil word...consisting of just four letters…but the meaning…ohhh sooooo…indescribable …so why am I bringing this up…cause I had a wonderful conversation on the subway…*wink*…a lot of thoughts came to mind during that conversation…am I truly loving those that are around me…like in the same way that the Lord loves me?…actually this has been on my heart during this Christmas break…when a friend told me that the Lord loves me…and that she loves me too…this is actually the second time I’ve heard these two sayings…it’s sooo great to hear…but when can I say that I love those around me… I’m still struggling with many things…someone told me that it’s because there’s still things I haven’t been able to let go of yet…I still have a lot of unforgiving, bitter and blame that holds close to me….although I can let things go in a way that I don’t let it bother me…but when the conversation and topic pops up…everything comes up just like that… you’re right…there are still a lot of things I can’t let go of yet…=/
I always do this…boggy, boggy, boggy…and explode…than I let it pass…and it doesn’t get resolved…so is that what it is…is that why I can’t love like the way you do?…so genuinely; say that you love someone?…I still don’t get it!!!…sorry if this doesn’t make sense to some of you…bare with me…=o…
anyhow…back to the subway ride…=)…having that conversation made me very appreciative in a way, and very awful at the same time… I mean…even a simple smile…I think a lot of us take that for granted sometimes…or to genuinely be happy once in a while…it’s just that hard for some ppl to experience…but how can we help?…prayer?…physically?…verbally?…sometimes there’s just sooo much we can do I guess…don’t feel so bad k!…there’s a time and season for everything!…maybe it’s just not the right time…=)…

yeah…so my brother came down from work today to have lunch with me today…didn’t expect it at all…but it was cool…I’ve actually been seeing and spending more time with him a lot more than usual these couple of days…is it cause he’s leaving next week for THREE whole weeks?…it’s gonna be soooo weird…three whole week with no one home…=/…the thought of it already sucks…not like it doesn’t suck as it is…except it’s gonna be 10 times worst!!…I really dislike this feeling…knowing that no one is going to be home, total solitude… I’m kinda scared to be honest…I wanna cry…but I feel like there’s no reason to…dumb…=/…blahhh…I guess my brother went through it for eight months when I was in loo…I guess it’ll be my turn…=/…I don’t think I’ve really realized the importance of my brother being around…except for now…that he’s really all I got here…well as for family wise…=)…that’s all for now…